On Hate and Anger

I find that many people have a hard time distinguishing between hate and anger, even within themselves. It is true that the two most often go hand in hand, but not always. The primary difference we need to reflect on is the fact that while anger in a relationship can be used to engage the other, to move toward, to seek to remove injustice and fight for a restored communion, hatred always seeks to destroy the other, to turn one’s back, to distance oneself from the other who has harmed you.

This can be tricky, because we all tend to have blind spots regarding ourselves. The next time you find yourself really angry at someone you are close too, if you cannot safely talk it through with them, find someone you trust and be as ruthlessly honest as you can about what you are feeling, and what you are doing with your feelings in the relationship. Then ask for feedback and try to be open to how much your anger is driving you toward restoration and how much you are just seeking to retaliate. And then try to be gentle with yourself and the other. Hard work sometimes, but worth the effort.

This entry was posted in Forgiveness, Love, Relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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